Barbecue Spider

 Ever plan something small but good only to have it get all bugged up? Last night I planned on grilling some delicious salmon for dinner, yet I became aware of a small problem with our gas grill. After letting the grill preheat I went back outside with the fish and noticed the right burner was not lit, yet the valve was set to high. I turned off the right burner and then tried to lite it again on the higher 'lighting' setting; it lit but went out when I turned the knob to high. I thought for a bit.......well a few seconds, and then re-lit the right side and left the right burner on the highest burner setting, 'lighting', and watched it. At first the burner fluctuated from being skimpily barely a lit, to ferociously flaring out like I was pouring lighter fluid on it. I wasn't adding lighter fluid, and I don't even own any if you were in some kind of delusion that I was, or am a pyromaniac. I'm not. A little after a minute of the fluctuating flame business I got a big surprise when the right side went out and seconds later ignited under the grill where the burner and the valves connect. First thought, hand toward fire to turn off the valve. Why? Prevent explosion; I used to work on high-pressure gas wells and I guess it is just a left over reflex, not that I ever had to put out any well fires. I was a little freaked out, a little miffed, and most certainly confused as to why the fairly new grill was acting up. After a minute or two I grabbed the fish, put it on a foil lined jellyroll pan and added some butter and olive oil to it then broiled it in the oven. While cooking the fish in the oven Sam and I hear, BANG! and we both look at each other and say "what the hell was that?" and we both head to the kitchen. Out of the oven there is a little bit of smoke seeping out of the door, and I'm thinking "well fuck, I guess I'm going to catch everything on fire tonight", but luckily the smoke was just some of the spattering oil burning off and the bang was the jellyroll pan contorting in the heat. After the fish finally cooked we enjoyed it's tasty goodness, but I wondered what they heck was wrong with my grill.

I really couldn't imagine what the problem could be with the BBQ because it is only a few months old, and it had been working fine. It wouldn't seem to be a problem from assembling because it would have gone wrong months ago, so I wondered if it was a manufacturing problem. I started to think that Char-broil had screwed me and I was really getting agitated. I looked online and didn't find anything about my specific grill, but i did see some stuff about people pissed off at Char-broil because they will not fix problems with their grills. Disheartened I resolved to try to figure out what exactly was wrong with my hunk of junk, and see if it could be repaired. From the way the right burner was acting I figured it was a clog as something further down the line would have effected the left burner. I disconnected the crap keeping the burner module in place, and son of a bee sting I busted the wire connection to the ignitor start. Once I finally had the burner out I blew into each of the two venturi-tubes (the right venturi tube shown below), and sure enough the right one was noticeably restricted. 'Hmmmm, I know I'll shove some wire up there and see if that makes a difference', it didn't, but I did notice spider webs on the end of the wire when I pulled it out. I really don't see how a spider big enough to cause a blockage could get in there but I figured I should get it out if there was one in there. I turned the tube toward the side-table of the grill and started tapping and after only a few seconds, VOILA! the culprit had been found. I'm pretty sure the trespasser had been barbecued to death the night before, so the capital punishment was accidental; but I would have totally killed that fucker had I caught it alive. I'm thinking of just repairing the stupid wire to the ignitor and returning the burner to the grill and seeing if the dang thing will work, but I have asked Sam what she thinks because blowing myself up over $20 seems stupid. I still don't see how that spider got in there as all the opening I am aware of are way smaller than that guy.

Jury Duty

My entire adult life I have been free of jury duty or even a notification, but that streak has ended. Today I opened the mail and found a jury selection questionnaire from Hawaii. I am a little surprised that the State of Hawaii would send me something like jury selection since they had to mail it to a Washington address, but I'm sure they wanted to give me every last chance to participate just in case I had my heart set on being in a jury. I really kind of wish that they had a selection box to check that indicates I am no longer a resident of the state of Hawaii, but sadly it's not an option. I hope this is an easy thing to get squared away and doesn't turn into some lame drawn out thing where I have to physically go there to prove I'm not living there; because that would be ridiculous. 

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

This last week me and the wife went to see two different baseball games here at our local Safeco Field. Neither Sam, my wife, or I had been to a game in over a decade, and we felt it was about time to see one. I had lost my childhood interest in baseball after player strikes, cable-viewing extortion, and steriod abuse scandals, but after some time I was willing to give baseball another shot.

Sam and I went to see the Boston Red Sox vs. Seattle Mariners, and Toronto Blue Jays vs. Seattle Mariners. Sam and I are both Boston Red Sox fans; Sam has been a life long fan, and I became a fan after watching a rather small-statcher rookie hit the first home-run of the 2007 World Series which for me was what baseball is all about. That rookie Red Sox player was Dustin Pedroia, and rather coincidentally is from Woodland, CA, my home-town. For the Red Sox Game I bought two tickets in the lower level 40 rows behind 3rd base which were the best seats Sam or I had ever had the chance to view a game from. The day of the Red Sox game we dawned our Red Sox attire and caught a bus downtown. Just on the short walk to Safeco Field from downtown it was surprising how many Red Sox fans were in attendance. Inside the game it was hard to tell if the home team was the Red Sox or the Mariners as it seemed to me there was at least a 50/50 mix of Red Sox fans and Mariner fans. Noise wise it was clear it was Bostons house that night as Mariners fans could barely be heard, and during the 7th inning stretch " the Red Soxs" was clearly heard over "the Mariners" in the traditional singing of 'Take Me Out to the Ball Game". It wasn't that the 1st place Red Sox were dominating the actual game, because they didn't; the Mariner's first batter Ichiro Suzuki hit a home-run on the very first pitch which kind of set the pace for the game. Red Sox fans are not easily deterred. We had hotdogs, Crackerjacks, Sam had Cotton-Candy and we watched the entire game only to have our team lose. On the bright side we did get to see hometown boy, Dustin Pedroia, hit a homerun, and that was pretty cool. When we took the bus home it stunk like stale beer, which I think was from other baseball fans filled with traditional liquid-fun, and we were able to complete our transit without incident. After having a pretty decent time at this game despite the loss to our favorite team we thought we would make the effort to attend another game before the season ended.

After only 4 days since our last visit to Safeco Field we were back for the Toronto Blue Jays vs Seattle Mariners game. Sam had signed us up to go to her companies annual baseball outing which came with a free company t-shirt to wear to the game, a free meal at the game, and of course free tickets to the game. The group seats were upper-level, but when the tickets are free I'm not going to complain; but honestly the view was still pretty good for upper-level. I took the bus downtown to meet up with Sam after work to have dinner, as we skipped the free meal; I've haven't had the best luck with free meals so we thought it best not to risk it. After dinner we made our way to the game. The game was fairly uneventful and not entirely interesting as both the home-team and the away -team suck donkey balls. Sadly whatever gusto the Mariners had when they beat the Red Sox it was clearly gone as the Blue Jays pummeled the Mariners. It was the quietest Major League Baseball game I've ever been to. We left the game in the 6th inning with no regrets, but still happy we went.

I just have to say it must suck hard to be a Mariners fan. I'm not saying Mariners fans suck, not at all, but I am saying the experience can't be very pleasant. It's not easy to be a fan of a losing team, and I know because I was a Sacramento Kings fan; and when I was a kid the Kings lost more than they won. I kind of felt bad for the Mariners fans at both games I attended because at both games the visiting teams had substantial fan representation, and the noise of the visiting team fans was noticeably louder than the home crowd. Where else does this happen? I've never experienced a sporting event where the home crowd didn't overwhelmingly out number the visiting team fans. I understand that the Mariners don't have a winning record and I agree that is a problem with getting the home crowd to the game, but I think the Mariners organization is going to have to reach out a lot more than they are now if they want people in the stands. As it appears now it is unclear what the Mariners mission is. It seems to me it would be better to have a ballpark filled at half-price than have 1/4 to a 1/3 of the park at full/current price. I believe that with a Safeco field full of people there is positive pressure on the Mariners to play well and not disappoint the fans. If nothing else I believe there is a fear factor of being booed by a very large group of fans. In this time of economic down turn I really think the Mariners are going to have to face facts that they are stink'n horrible and no one should pay to watch them play/lose, and after they get over their major league ego issues they then can show fans and potential fans they really really really want their attendance and give those fans a reason to make the effort to show up. To reiterate: the Mariners organization is failing to give local baseball fans a reason to be Mariners fans.

banana, coconut, macadamia nut muffins

Banana, Coconut, Macadamia nut Muffins
(1 dozen)
* this is a modified recipe adapted from a Disney recipe

Ingredients Group A:
1 Cup Mashed bananas (2 1/2 bananas)
1/2 Cup Butter
3/4 Cup Sugar
1/4 Cup  Brown Sugar
1/8 teaspoon ground Cinnamon
Dash of ground Ginger
1/2 Cup chopped Macadamia Nuts
1/4 teaspoon Kosher salt
1 Egg beaten
1/2 teaspoon Vanilla
1/2 Cup Shredded Coconut

Ingredients Group B:
1 1/2 Cups all-purpose Flour
1 teaspoon Baking soda

Preheat oven to 350 Degrees Fahrenheit
Using a mixer blend all ingredient of group A well.
In a separate bowl sift together flour and baking soda.

Pour the contents of group A onto group B and fold together.
Pour combined mixture into 12 cup muffin pan (cooking time 1 hour 20 minutes) or 1 loaf pan (cooking time 1 hour 45 minutes) Check with toothpick, press tooth pick in center and if it comes out clean it is done.

Milk and Me

I was watching Alton Brown's 'Good Eats' on the Food Network where he was describing his relationship with milk. If you have never seen 'Good Eats' it is important to know that this show uses some unique props to make it's points and explain things. The scene where Brown is explaining his problem with milk is no different. Alton is telling the viewer how he has lost fifty pounds and when it comes to milk he just avoids it because in his words "it makes me do things" (enter the funny man in a milk carton costume holding a plate of cookies) who says "Hey Mr.B you want some cookies" (in drug pusher fashion). I was watching this with my wife who begins to laugh at the realization that I have the same problem which I too dawned a pound but didn't think it was nearly as funny. I truly do not enjoy cookies as much with out milk and I really enjoy cookies, as I really enjoy milk. To be perfectly honest if Half and Half wasn't so bad for me I'd most likely lavish in it's creamy goodness instead of regular milk. I have a cholesterol problem which I am on medication for, and I'm also taking it to prevent strokes since I'm at risk. The cholesterol thing regulates me to skim milk. It took some time to get used to skim milk, yet it's so much better than water on cereal; which just seems lame and gross to me. Every once in awhile my market will be out of skim and I get the treat of 1%, and yes I really can taste a wonderful difference.
Several Moths ago I took a fitness class with the fetching Mrs. Cogbill (that's Sam if you were getting confused) and it was suggested to all attendees to try to go 'organic'. I used to be an Ag student back in high school when this whole organic trend started up and the joke I heard about organic is 'do you know how to tell an organic field from a regular field? It's the low yield field with weeds in it'(I think you have to be in Ag to kind of get this), so I had my doubts. I don't usually buy anything organic, but because it was the one thing that was highly recommended to switch to I tried organic milk. Organic milk cost something like double what normal milk cost and I think the cost of normal milk is way over-priced, yet I have some positive things to say about Organic Milk. After three weeks of drinking organic milk I started to feel different, better, and I didn't think I had felt all that bad before yet there was a definite difference. I'm kind of a strange guy and when something like the change I described above happens I want to test it, so I did. I bought a gallon of regular skim milk, and sure enough I started to feel more moody and lethargic. I was a little disappointed with the result since I was hoping to be able to return to buying the less expensive milk. When looking at the results of my little self imposed test and what little I know about dairy production from my high school Ag class I guess I'm not all that surprised at the reaction milk can have on the body. I think about all the artificial stuff that go into cows for milk production like hormones(that's estrogen guys if you didn't know), and antibiotics which all goes into the milk. Organic milk on the other hand is not supposed to have any of this unnecessary stuff going into it. I understand that dairy farmers want to produce every cow they have and that is why they give them antibiotics (this is a short-term solution and the antibiotics are going to be less affective or even ineffective as viruses become immune to them), and they want the most milk they can get out of each cow and that is why the give them hormones. The affect of the hormones is most likely what I am able to detect, and I just don't like how it makes me feel. This idea that milk can have an effect on a persons mood congers up a thought "docile as a cow"-unknown author- this could just be a paranoid conspiracy theory, but exposing the general public to high doses of estrogen would most likely cause an overall 'docile' effect. If this is true why would you want people more docile and what else might they (those who control such things and want to control more) be doing. If you have ever watched 'Doctor Strange Love' you might be thinking 'fluoridation' but I'm just not going along with that at all.
Live Free, Live Happy
God Bless

Bees still like me

Sam and I have moved into a high-rise condo but the bees still come up to the window "to visit" as Sam likes to remind me, and I still get buzzed randomly. I've changed shampoo and I guess I should change soaps next, but then again Sam uses the same soap and they leave her alone. Hope you enjoyed the update.

A round christmas tree ornament

Here I hang in the back of the Christmas tree and I wonder why the person who hung me even bothered. I don't know what color I am and once I thought I was red or green because of the reflection I seemed to omit, but it turns out those were the colors of the nearby lights alternatively flashing. As far as my shape I'm almost sure I'm a pathetic round ball, nothing more than a filler ornament. I'm not even one of those fancy looking shapely bulbs. No one cares for me and one day I will no longer be hung, replaced by a fading-memory ornament in an ever growing collection of weird , strange, and even meaningful ornaments. It's not like I'm not grateful to be out of the box ,because I am, but I wish I could be hung in a better position, if not more toward the front of the tree then maybe a little higher up; from where I hang now I'm best friends with the water bowl.

Holiday Bownies 2009

Both of the Brownie recipes are basically the same and I'm sure if one were to leave out the extra goodies they would be a mighty fine brownie all by itself.

Cherry and Coconut Brownies
2 cups white sugar
1 cup canola oil (or butter)
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 Eggs
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt (table salt will work)
14 oz Jar Maraschino Cherries halved (reserve the juice for 7up or other cocktails)
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 cup shredded coconut

Grease 9" x 13" pan
Bake at 350 F for 25-30 minutes



Peppermint Brownies
1 cup white sugar
1 cup canola oil (or butter)
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 Eggs (beaten well before adding)
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt (table salt will work)
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 package(6 oz) of 12 regular size candy canes smashed **it is important to pulverize the candy
canes because any large chunks will melt leaving undesirable holes or voids in the brownies**

Grease 9" x 13" pan
Bake at 350 F for 25 - 30 minutes

My Christmas Newsletter

For Christmas Sam and I adopted an invisible monkey named Toby. The real trouble with an invisible monkey isn't figuring out where Toby is, but rather where the invisible monkey poop is which smells just as you would imagine it to smell. Bad Toby, bad bad bad. It is hard to know if Sam or I farted or if there is a hot heaping invisible monkey mound in the room. I am going to try to train him to place a flag or something on top of his mess so maybe it will be easier to find then randomly stepping in it. Toilet training didn't go over at all, we just ended up with a wet bathroom floor and wet invisible monkey that both smelled like poop. Toby doesn't make really any noise and doesn't seem to have much to say. We thought we were fortunate that Toby was already trained in sign language, but it wasn't until he arrived that we became aware we couldn't see his signs or which way he is facing to give him signs. At one point we got the bright idea to put gloves on Toby, and after several monkey bites, we wrestled them on only to find we had put them on his feet. Once the gloves were put on Toby's hands we finally knew which way he was facing and eagerly awaited his first viewable communication with us, but it never came. I can't say that Toby never used the gloves because I found them both laying on the ground smelling remarkably like invisible monkey poop, then I found the poop mound with my foot, so it wasn't like he had decided to flag is pile. For the Christmas season we thought we would put a little Santa hat on Toby but it to0 ended up on the floor smelling of monkey poo. We are starting to think that Toby ignores our signs, and the trainers say Toby is only reacting in this negative fashion because we don't answer his signs which Toby thinks is rude. I'm starting to think that stupid monkey was never able to sign, and the adoption place just says that crap to add a little tinsel to the crazy Christmas monkey's nest. So listen don't ask me 'why?', or 'what were you thinking?' because don't think for a second that you wouldn't jump at the chance at having an invisible monkey that speaks sigh language just as we did because you know you would; and you won't ask yourself if you can see the signs from invisible monkey hands, or if the poop is invisible; if someone offers you a free monkey you most likely won't even think about if the thing craps. You'll be thinking 'alright, free monkey'. In fact there is a good chance someone might be getting a free invisible monkey this Christmas, so start checking those packages. Hint the one that smells like poop is the monkey.

Dan's Swine Brine

I've decided to share one of my recipes, so here it is Now with pictures in living color. This is a simple recipe starting with a brine. Salt is key to a brine so if you are on a low sodium diet this may not be for you. A.B. you are a true inspiration.

I like to buy a flat of pork chops at Costco.







Sam and I only need a pork chop each, so I use quart size ziploc bags for the pair. (gallon size should be fine for four pork chops)










After placing the pork chops in the bag remove as much air as possible then sealed. After sealing just freeze.

















Remove pork chops from freezer the night before or the morning of intended use.



















I don't normally measure out my ingredients, but I did for this project.
It is a good idea to put the dry ingredients in the bag first.
2 Table Spoons Lawry's seasoned salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/4 cup dried chopped onion
1 Table Spoon Worcestershire sauce
2 teaspoons Cognac or Whiskey
1 cup white wine (*12oz of beer can be substituted)
1/4 cup water (*if using beer do not add water)
add all ingredients, seal, mix around, then refrigerate. *over 24 hours and the meat will start to get salty so be advised.


At cooking time remove bag from fridge and pork chops from the bag. Place the brined pork chops on 3 paper towels folded in half, and cover with another 3 paper towels. I'm sure a clean kitchen towel will work.















It is important to dry the pork chops well if the intended cooking method is pan frying. Don't worry about any little pieces of onion clinging-on they will cook just fine.

















This is optional...did I say optional I meant mandatory. By some means strain and separate the reconstituted chopped onion and liquid and save for later.
*if you used beer instead of wine do not separate just throw out onions (extremely bitter) and liquid








If you choose to pan fry I suggest using about 4 Tablespoons olive oil ; again I don't usually measure. Allow oil to heat up on medium high















When oil is hot reduce heat to medium and add pork chops and separated chopped onion. Heat pork chops for 10 minutes on each side. Stir onions regularly.
I usually heat the pork chops for 5 minutes then flip, but that's just me.


















I suggest using a spatter guard












At this step you have some choices. After removing the pork chops from the pan the crispy onion bits can be scooped out and used on rice or mashed potatoes, or you can follow this next step.
Add 6 Tablespoons flour and mix well with hot oil. I use a spatula.








Cook mixture until brown, not tan, brown
















Stir in remaining brine liquid and watch the magic happen. If the sauce is too thick add a small amount of water(no more than 1/8 cup) at a time until it is a favorable consistency. It should be fine.







This is what I ended up with.