Really Bad Poetry

I was struck with the will to write down some words that look like poetry........well Vogon Poetry. Just sharing the weirdness, enjoy!

When the wind blows the shadows fall, the heart sinks to an all new low. Dried up puddle residue is keeping the regret. Whispers of ghost not known as friend or foe, taunting the hinder of delight.

NASA's Folly

What may fall from the sky is usually unknown, but according to NASA an old satellite will fall to the ground as soon as tomorrow, Thursday September 22, 2011. The first news report I saw said the largest chunk of debris could weigh up to 250 pounds, and not to worry, most of the debris will weigh 1 pound or possibly less. If you are feeling O.K. with getting hit by a 1 pound piece of debris I'd like to point out that the debris will be traveling at velocity, and unless the debris has an immense surface area, like a piece of foam, I would prefer not to get hit by any debris even if the pieces are small....... even as small as lets say a bullet. The news report also said that NASA had no idea where the satellite debris will land and would not have any idea of it's final trajectory until the moment it enters the atmosphere, giving anywhere from 2 hours to as little as 20 minutes warning. It's not clear if the warning will be made public or not. To top it off the statistics given are 1:3,200 that a person will be hit by falling debris. Since it is not known how many pieces of debris will impact the surface it is slightly frightening to consider that 1:3,200 could lead to a large number of injuries and fatalities in a densely populated area. If the unfortunate falling nightmare comes down in my neck of the woods, Seattle, the horrifying number of casualties could be as high as 1,277. I think 1,277 is massive. When did NASA become so.............incompetent? They shut down this satellite in 2005 and I find it hard to understand why they didn't bring this thing down sooner, purposely, controlled, and as safe as possible. It didn't seem that long ago that the U.S. Navy shot down a toxic Russian satellite, yet tomorrow we could have a 250 pound burning hulk return to earth through my roof....I don't think my landlord is going to like that. If I'm one of the unlucky ones to take a NASA sky-turd to the grave I want my friends and family to rejoice that they knew me and sue the bastards that killed me. I hope you make it, but be aware I'm seriously thinking of wearing my hard hat tomorrow.

Barbecue Spider

 Ever plan something small but good only to have it get all bugged up? Last night I planned on grilling some delicious salmon for dinner, yet I became aware of a small problem with our gas grill. After letting the grill preheat I went back outside with the fish and noticed the right burner was not lit, yet the valve was set to high. I turned off the right burner and then tried to lite it again on the higher 'lighting' setting; it lit but went out when I turned the knob to high. I thought for a bit.......well a few seconds, and then re-lit the right side and left the right burner on the highest burner setting, 'lighting', and watched it. At first the burner fluctuated from being skimpily barely a lit, to ferociously flaring out like I was pouring lighter fluid on it. I wasn't adding lighter fluid, and I don't even own any if you were in some kind of delusion that I was, or am a pyromaniac. I'm not. A little after a minute of the fluctuating flame business I got a big surprise when the right side went out and seconds later ignited under the grill where the burner and the valves connect. First thought, hand toward fire to turn off the valve. Why? Prevent explosion; I used to work on high-pressure gas wells and I guess it is just a left over reflex, not that I ever had to put out any well fires. I was a little freaked out, a little miffed, and most certainly confused as to why the fairly new grill was acting up. After a minute or two I grabbed the fish, put it on a foil lined jellyroll pan and added some butter and olive oil to it then broiled it in the oven. While cooking the fish in the oven Sam and I hear, BANG! and we both look at each other and say "what the hell was that?" and we both head to the kitchen. Out of the oven there is a little bit of smoke seeping out of the door, and I'm thinking "well fuck, I guess I'm going to catch everything on fire tonight", but luckily the smoke was just some of the spattering oil burning off and the bang was the jellyroll pan contorting in the heat. After the fish finally cooked we enjoyed it's tasty goodness, but I wondered what they heck was wrong with my grill.

I really couldn't imagine what the problem could be with the BBQ because it is only a few months old, and it had been working fine. It wouldn't seem to be a problem from assembling because it would have gone wrong months ago, so I wondered if it was a manufacturing problem. I started to think that Char-broil had screwed me and I was really getting agitated. I looked online and didn't find anything about my specific grill, but i did see some stuff about people pissed off at Char-broil because they will not fix problems with their grills. Disheartened I resolved to try to figure out what exactly was wrong with my hunk of junk, and see if it could be repaired. From the way the right burner was acting I figured it was a clog as something further down the line would have effected the left burner. I disconnected the crap keeping the burner module in place, and son of a bee sting I busted the wire connection to the ignitor start. Once I finally had the burner out I blew into each of the two venturi-tubes (the right venturi tube shown below), and sure enough the right one was noticeably restricted. 'Hmmmm, I know I'll shove some wire up there and see if that makes a difference', it didn't, but I did notice spider webs on the end of the wire when I pulled it out. I really don't see how a spider big enough to cause a blockage could get in there but I figured I should get it out if there was one in there. I turned the tube toward the side-table of the grill and started tapping and after only a few seconds, VOILA! the culprit had been found. I'm pretty sure the trespasser had been barbecued to death the night before, so the capital punishment was accidental; but I would have totally killed that fucker had I caught it alive. I'm thinking of just repairing the stupid wire to the ignitor and returning the burner to the grill and seeing if the dang thing will work, but I have asked Sam what she thinks because blowing myself up over $20 seems stupid. I still don't see how that spider got in there as all the opening I am aware of are way smaller than that guy.